Being told that I could be carrying a child that may not live to term or may not live outside of Utero was a lot to process. Living through a scary delivery not knowing what to expect, almost losing my child, and enduring the whirlwind of events that happened in her stay in the NICU were more then my Momma heart could handle. I was scared, I was angry, I grew anxious as each minute seemed to deem different news. I couldn’t understand why God would let all of this happen. I drew away from him instead of sprinting towards him. I held in my grief for a long time because I had a 2 1/2 year old and husband at home, and now this sweet newborn who required so much of me. It took me almost a year before I was truly able to lament. It wasnt until I reached out to a sweet old mentor of mine and began to process through this that I realized I was just living my life by treading water,never getting rest. What I failed to do was turn to Him in all of my grief and talk with him, dwell with him, be in community with him. It was in my grief that I was able to find peace and joy with all that this new season is bringing. It is still hard, I still grieve over the life I thought my daughter would have, over the financial hardships,etc, but I am no longer running!