Brianna VanderWeide

When God recently opened doors to my dream job, my insecurities hit the roof. I’m absolutely terrified to mess up. I am anxious almost all the time that I will let someone down. Perfectionism has reared its ugly head in my life so many times, a different symptom manifesting from the same ugly root. I sat across from a friend and she said, “I think God wants you to fight for your freedom.”

She said she could hear my heart yearning for self-acceptance. When I pondered this concept in the past, it always sounded like a hooey self-help book. But on this day it sounded like truth. And there is shame in this, can I tell you that? Anxiety comes with this acknowledgment. The feeling of being a sham. How can I be a pastor to an entire group of women, pointing them to Jesus and His liberation, while my writhing wrists are still blistered in chains? Jesus accepted me. He is merely asking if I will accept myself. Proclaiming to God that I accept my frailty is a place of surrender and worship. Because of who He is, I can rest in who I am.

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