The thing I desperately wanted is also what I desperately feared, to be fully known and fully loved. I wore a mask that said I loved life, but inside I was lonely, hopeless and heard lies that attacked my worth. I finally broke when I realized I deeply desire to have a healthy marriage in the future and I could never do that living behind my mask. People could only love my mask, not the real me. I was sick of faking fine and was ready to share my story of how sexual abuse damaged my worth and robbed me of my true identity. I had lived a double life, hiding my hurt and pretending I was a good Christian girl with a good life. Sharing my story shed light on the darkness of the offense done to me, but also the darkness of how I strove to protect myself. I had to own and confess the damage I’d caused others and myself by faking fine to let Jesus bring healing. Jesus has taken away my shame and given me a joy and purpose from the very depths of my pain.