I’ve always been a genuinely happy person. I have dimples and I use them! I think it’s what drew my best friends in. So when he died, I felt lost. There were people who needed help, so I didn’t eat. There were people who needed comfort, so I didn’t sleep. The dog needed love, so I didn’t let myself cry. I would’ve pretended he was deployed forever. But he’s not. He’s not coming back. The sign in my car saying “Welcome Back” never got used. Now my dimples aren’t as bright, and my laughs aren’t as carefree. Three years later and things still aren’t the same. Friends who were there to support now feel like strangers. I was there in the good and bad, but now I only feel associated with pain. When I lost him, I lost part of my family and part of myself. I tried to pretend it’s okay. But I want to stop pretending. God blessed me with a friendship & spiritual mentor. It’s okay that I miss him. We aren’t created for death, so when death happens – it hurts and that’s okay.